Thursday, December 15, 2016

Holidays separated from your kids...

It's another one of those times during the year that makes it harder for those who are either separated or already divorced when having children.  A time of the year where the children are in the middle, wishing they can probably be with both of there parents. A time that is suppose to be just "Happy". 

I sit here thinking to myself, "What if I would have just stayed married, would my girls have been happier?"...."How tough is it for them right now that maybe they would not want to let me know so my feelings would not get hurt?"..."Do they really want to go?"...."If I don't give in, then he will have a sad christmas too"...  These are the many internal questions that many of us probably have as we are going thru this time of the year having children.

It truly can be super stressful, emotional & confusing.  It is a no win situation for either party.  I know that by the divorce papers and depending on your agreement, are how the holidays will be planned and organized.  But that truly does not make it better.  The point is that for some it is a very big time of the year and for others it is not.  For those who just have always loved Christmas and it is there favorite holiday, like ME, it is a big deal.  I must say though that I have been lucky.  My ex has never really asked for Christmas because he always just takes the overtime and works it.  When we were both living closer in Central Florida and the girls were little, I even would have him come really early in the morning, before the girls woke up, or even sleep the night before.  YES!  I said that.  I am one of those who signed the divorce papers and still had her ex husband living with her for several months for so many confused reasons.  And that is another story...  Time has passed, I had moved to South Florida and 2 years ago moved out of Florida.  I love it because my girls and I have finally felt and seen what it finally feels like living in a state where you have 4 seasons.  We have NO REGRETS!  But this year, I was so worried, sad and stressed because he had mentioned about having them for Christmas but I am lucky enough and once again, I get to spend it with my girls and it seems that my ex will probably be working.  But after Christmas, I will drive 3 hours one way to meet my ex half way so the girls can spend some time with him, his wife and there half sister during the winter break.  So it all works out for everyone, I guess.  The good thing is that he has his little baby girl, who is just too cute and funny, to entertain him but I know that he would want to spend it with his girls too. 

The ideal situation would be for him to drive up, have a different scenery and it would be what the girls would love as they have said several times but are worried about telling him, and stay with us with his wife and baby girl in our spare room and all spend Christmas morning together.  BUT I KNOW HE WILL NOT DO THAT ONE!  Lol...  I know that sounds a bit odd too but the blessing we have is that his wife and I knew each other before they even got together, (after I was divorced), and we truly get along and have no gripes about each other.  I have to tell you that if anyone of you can do this, I highly suggest it because it is much better for the children and for everyone involved.  All it requires is to be an adult, accept what it is, be civil, be true to yourself and want for your ex to truly be happy in life.  I care about my ex enough, as the father to my girls, that I honestly just want him to be happy in life and if she does so, then that is good.  Plus she truly is good to my girls too and that is even more important to me or I believe should be to any mother who truly loves her children.

This is just one of those times of the year, that if you are divorced, can just be sad for either the mom or dad and for the children.  The children are in the middle and I am sure that they would love to just be with both parents, have no arguing, feel they are safe in a positive environment and not have to be separated from either one of the parents.  But unfortunately these are one of those times that just suck to be divorced BUT THEN AGAIN I would rather be in this situation than to be married to someone that I am miserable with, arguing and most probably will end up in a nasty fight with my spouse on a day that should be celebrated and go to sleep hating the one that I am married too.  So Yeah, if anyone can relate to any one of these situations, I know it truly sucks and I am sorry.

The ones that I truly feel sorry for, besides the children, are those that live with such anger towards the ex.  The ones who manipulate the children and situations, who go against what the divorce papers say, try to be slick, are just plain evil and truly don't care.  AND I KNOW OF A CASE VERY WELL!!!  These people think they are good parents, they think they are doing right and they think they are getting back at the other BUT those are the people that are just plain EVIL.  They may seem to the world that they are great moms because they know how to act the part but that is far from the truth.  Being a good parent means making sacrifices, loving unconditionally, putting what is best and the healthiest for your children and loving them so so so much that you, as a parent, will never try to separate them from there other parent as a divorced parent.  Now, of course and unfortunately, I know there are some cases where it is best for the children to stay away from the abusive parent too so on that one I would never disagree.  I am talking about healthy and loving parents.  By a parent (mainly the mother) trying to do all she can in her power, to keep the children away from the father is just being selfish and evil.  Some women just do not get it and are not grateful that if there ex is a good father, loves his children and cares enough to want to see them, then she should never try to keep them away from him, buy there love and manipulate the children.  It is very sad and some will never get that all that they are doing is hurting there children, making the situation worse, living with internal anger which will end up hurting only themselves as women and raising there children to be materialistic, selfish and believe that other things matter more than time spent with there father.  But as I always think to myself, Karma does exist and time is all that one has.  Hopefully those children that are living in such a state in there lives will someday realize the truth, what the mother was trying to do and realize the father they have.  I say mother because in most cases, the mothers are the ones who have custody of the children plus I know of a situation like that and it is just sad.

So if you are one of those parents, divorced, separated with children and celebrate the holidays....THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN FIRST... as hard as it may be, respect and follow the divorce papers, DO NOT make it worse for yourself, the children and your situation, TRY TO WORK ON A PLAN TOGETHER WITH YOUR EX THAT CAN BENEFIT EVERYONE AND MAKE THE CHILDREN HOLIDAYS' A GREAT ONE because the truth is that the holidays are more for them to enjoy because we already had our childhood and now it is there time, be civil, be considerate, make sacrifices and try to enjoy this time of the year.  Heck!!!  I am still trying to figure how I can motivate my girls to help me decorate and pass on the spirit so they hopefully, one day, can enjoy it as much as I have in my lifetime.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Holiday Shopping on a budget....

As a single mom, this time of the year can be very stressful.  Some are smart enough to start shopping, little by little, staring in July.  Others do not have the extra cash to even do it and just hope that by the end of the year, things get better financially.  Some have the credit cards maxed out, some do not even have credit cards.  So how does a mom do it?  How do you try to give your children a nice holiday?  I have been working on those same questions for years now and still do not have the perfect answer.  I just do it whatever way that I can do it, during this time of the year and hope for the best.

I will not lie.  There have had a couple of years where I have been blessed that I have had BFF's that have literally lent me $250 on December 23rd to go out & rush on shopping & wrapping so I would have been able to have given my girls a Christmas.  Other Christmas',  I have been blessed that I have borrowed from my siblings.  Others I have not paid some bills and just fallen behind or have even delayed paying the electric bill, gas bill and/or the phone bill, just to be able to purchase a few things for my girls.  I know that is not the responsible thing & right thing to do and would not suggest that to my own daughters but to me, it would be worse, having my girls wake up on Christmas morning with nothing under the tree.  Then again, no matter what the size has been, I have been blessed that I have been able to have some sort of tree for the holidays for the girls.  I think to myself how sad it is for others who do not even have a home to be in or food to eat and I just am even more grateful.  This is part of the reason why I keep hoping that one day I will be able to give to those who truly need it.  

So what does a mom do during this time of the year when having a very tight budget?

Well, if by some chance you have figured or saved by now some money to be able to do some shopping, and are on a tight budget here are some suggestions that maybe can help you out;

  Think of purchasing more little things & wrapping each one individually so your children have more to open, just for fun...

  Take a look at their list or pay more attention, when going out, to the little, inexpensive items that you said "NO" to, at the time, and go back & purchase them...this way Santa gave them what you had said No to...Lol

  Shop online for GREAT SAVINGS & compare prices...
  Fingerhut, actually can help you out, EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT ONE WHO BELIEVES IN GETTING INTO MORE DEBT, but will make an exception during this time of the year for my children.  Fingerhut has a great selection to help out parents and if approved, you can pay it all little by little.

  Be creative.  Go to Pinterest for ideas.  Make your own gifts.  Think of possibly giving a calendar to help or teach your children to get organized.  Just be sure that they will LOVE the pictures on the calendar.  Create a little bag of the goodies that you normally do not allow them to have often...Like a Christmas Goodie Bag!!

  And you always can call on your friends.  Use it as an excuse, gather together & brainstorm & I am sure that several moms gathering together will be able to come up with some great ideas.  This way you can have the excuse to get together, chat, laugh, brainstorm & even have some coffee or even a glass of wine...

Good luck to you all & I hope that this post possibly helped out someone!!!  

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Your Kids "Themed" Christmas List...

Wow!!!!  It is that time of the year again...

That time that moms enjoy the baking, music and the holidays BUT also stress out majorly.  As if we don't have enough on our plates by trying to keep the house cleaned, meals on the table, food in the pantry, clothes washed, be sure of everyones schedule, we can add decorating the tree and house for the holidays, being sure Santa brings what is on the list and preparing for the big lunch or dinner.  

       As if all that is not stressful enough, I am sitting here wondering how many other moms are out there that deal on a yearly basis with their child and the list.  Either the list has 100 items on it or the list has a consistent theme throughout the list. (Lol)  All being an item that pertains to the same artist, movie, cartoon or whatever there love is at THIS TIME during the year.                                                                                              My teen daughter is going thru this year her LOVE for a Korean Boy Band.  YES!  I said Korean...Lol.  I still do not even know how she even understands them.  It seems that her brain absorbs better learning Korean, which in my mind set it cannot be an easy language to learn, more than her brain cares to absorb information in high school from her classes. Lol

One year was the One Direction boy band, another year was Harry Potter (even though she still loves Harry Potter) and so on.  So my question here is...Do we, as moms, give in and just give in to the Themed list gifts knowing that phase will soon end for them and all of that money was spent?  I think this does happen to others because I also remember my other daughter having an obsession for owls one year and when spring came around she was bored of owls.

So,  I wonder, Am I alone or are there other moms dealing with this too?  Do you feel as confused as I am?  Would you feel guilty for not giving your child what they "currently" want knowing that they will soon be over it?  The good news for me is that the list got shorter this year.  I no longer have to laugh and see there are 100 items on a list...Lol.  As I am writing this, I think to myself that in life it is always good to put things on a balance.  So I think I will still give in to some or a few items on the list of the Korean boy band, knowing soon the phase will go away, & then just ask Santa to bring her a few other things that I still know that she will enjoy and not expect.  Plus I am just grateful that I will be able to get her a few things this year!  I wish you all very Happy Holidays!!!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Running out of Ingredients while cooking...

Have you ever forgotten some ingredients as you are already cooking?  

Well I sure have!  The other day I just had one of those days.  I had forgotten my list at home so I thought that my brain, as a mom, would be able to absorb and remember all of the ingredients needed when I went to the grocery store.  Hahaha...that was a funny thought! Not sure how many of you have had the same thing happen to them and probably more than once.  Do not feel alone!  I am here with ya sistas....

I normally try my best and actually do well planning out the menu for the week of the dinners that I will be cooking.  And YES, I ACTUALLY EVEN WRITE IT ON THE KITCHEN CALENDAR & YES I DO HAVE A KITCHEN CALENDAR TOO...This way I know what ingredients I need to purchase and hope to make it to the grocery store one time within a week.  Not sure if you try to accomplish the same thing.  I once again say "TRY" but does not seem to always work. 

Just the other night, my children were excited that I was cooking one of the meals that they truly enjoy.  Creamy Tuscan Garlic Chicken with pasta!!!  Yummmm.... Well as I began cooking, I have the pan on the stove... chicken is cooked.... pasta is boiling .... beginning to add some more ingredients.  Well, I swore that I had enough heavy cream left but I was soooo wrong.  I panicked, my daughters started laughing & told them to stay watching the stove as I needed to run to get some heavy cream... I ran to the grocery store, bought some more and came back.  I kept cooking... the pasta was already ready.... started adding the parmesan cheese & BAMMMM REALIZED I DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH PARMESAN CHEESE.  By this time, my kids were having a great time laughing at me, I was worried if I could even save this dinner & ran out once again to the same grocery store.  Bought some more parmesan cheese... then once I got into the car, my wallet fell and EVERYTHING (receipts folded, rewards cards, credit cards, license, change, etc... all fell out)  All I just was able to do was sit in the car alone & BURST OUT LAUGHING.  When I got home and I told my daughters, they laughed so hard that tears came down their cheeks.  
Well all I can say is the meal was completed!... Pasta overdone and sitting for such a long time does not taste the same!... and when cooking a dish that you end up taking so many breaks because of lack of ingredients, it just will not taste the same...Lol  But we all ate it as it is not good to waste food when so many more do not have much to eat...

So if someone else has had a similar experience, just know that you are not alone.  A moms laugh is always an adventure.  We just have to be sure to try to laugh at the end of it all so we can keep our sanity!  Power to Mommies!!!

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Dealing with my Teenager...

I keep asking other moms whose children have passed the teenage stage..."So, does it or when does it get better?"  From what I hear, there is hope but I worry.  I worry because teenagers in todays generation have a lot more stress and temptations that we did when we where young.  I know I sound like an old lady...Lol

Bullying was really never a big issue when I was young.  Yes, there were the mean kids, the nerds, the popular ones, the easy girls, the boys that were the jocks and the smart ones.  But from what I remember as a teenager, we did not have to deal with so many kids killing themselves because they were so horribly bullied and the divorce rate was not so high as it is today. We did not have to deal with social media, sex texting, internet & inappropriate pictures. The worse that one would hear was someone talking bad about someone else and either horrible or good rumors spreading.  But we all know what is bad tends to be spread more than what is good.  Even in businesses, people tend to make the time to complain but not much of the effort to let someone know how awesome they are.

Not sure if it is just me, but I feel teenagers are having more low self esteem these days.  I currently have 2 beautiful, smart and creative teenage girls. Some in my family and/or friends might even criticize me for having my blog and spilling out my guts about so much.  I personally have a different outlook. I know there are some that do not talk about there home life, some act as if they have the perfect family while others feel that they are not alone. Well, I am one of those that believe that no matter what one will be criticized and I know there are other moms out there not suffering alone.  I am also sure that I am not alone with trying to figure out the best way to help & cope with your teenager whom you adore with all of your heart and would give your life for.

I have tried so hard to always let my girls know how proud I am of them, how they can achieve what ever it is that they want in life and I try not to put a lot of stress on them as far as there grades.  I always tell them that as long as they truly are trying and just doing the best they can and of course, I do want passing grades, is fine with me.  I try & TALK & EXPLAIN how important having an education is and getting a career.  How important it is to do what you LOVE and not what others tell you what you SHOULD do.  How money is not all that matters but what MAKES THEM HAPPY.  I tell them that they DON'T have to get married, have children and live the family life, if that is not what will make them happy, because if they are not happy then they will not be happy being a mom and we all know how tough being a mom is on its' own.  YET THAT ALL STILL DOES NOT SEEM TO BE ENOUGH.  

I have spoken to others, have done some reading and even spoken in regards to get some help.  I know going to a therapist can be so helpful in anyones life as we all have our own issues to deal with & try to figure out but when you mention THERAPY TO A TEENAGER, they assume that they have some horrible problems and that we, as there mother, think the worse about them and that is NOT THE CASE.  I for one just feel I cannot help as much as  a therapist.  I know if I were to mention to my ex husband, he would get upset at me and that is not what I would want at all. BUT I know that since our divorce and they just do not have a very close relationship with him, that they have a male void in there lives.  The reason why I also say this is because every time I mention the word "Father" to one of my teenagers, when having a serious conversation, it is like a fire hydrant that has exploded from the tears that she sheds.  If that does not say it, then I have no other clue what will.  See, my ex is a very good man. He is a VERY hard working man but is not very affectionate.  He shows them that he cares by working hard, being able to buy clothes, a laptop that they need for school, gear for the clubs they join and spend some time with them when he can.  Since we live in different states, he does not get to see them every other weekend either.  But I also have to admit that he has been very good with me.  We get along very well now and I know he adores them with his entire heart.  I continue to try to explain and let both of my girls know that he adores them but is just not affectionate yet I do not think they totally understand.  So I have spoken to my ex and we both agree that it is time to see if I can find a therapist for them both and PRAY a therapist can help them both with there self esteem.  

I sit here and think what have I done to have them feel this way.  I know part of the reason is my ex but I also have to admit that thru the years, I was not the perfect role model.  For many years, I rode the Divorce Roller Coaster ride of emotions.  There were times I was angry, working too much, stressing, not giving my children the quality time that I should have, dealing with the guilt of the divorce and so much more.  I know we all, who have experienced DIVORCE understand my feelings.  This is the one ride that I do not ever care to ride again because it is just not fun.  There are so many emotions that one has to try to cope with and at the same time be a parent.  Then I also had added to my list to be a business owner in a small town and ended up having to close the doors because I had an employer, that I trusted way too much, destroy my business and put me out of money.  But during those years of anger and going thru many financial hardship where I even lost my home, I had too LOST FAITH. As I lost my faith, I became negative towards life,men and my future.  That was not good.  I feel as if that is why they also have low self esteem because they have seen it in ME.  We all know that our children absorb and mimic what we do & how we act.  So I think that between both parents, it would not help to get them to find a way to feeling better about themselves.  

I now am a different mom.  I am still struggling financially but my attitude towards life is different.  I also have FAITH.  I am grateful for what I have. Every day I take a few minutes to say THANK YOU to God & the Universe for all that I still have because I know that even if I do not have a lot, I have much more than others.  I LAUGH A LOT MORE TOO!  I joke around so much more than I use to.  Well, not too sure about that because I have always been a jokester but not as much as with my girls as I am now.

My oldest and I, recently found out about Gilmore Girls on Nexflix.  YES, I KNOW I AM SUPER BEHIND. Lol.... We have watched the first two episodes together.  We have made a promise to watch it together.  So far I LOVE IT!  It has a bit of the relationship that we have but I do not think her daughter has low self esteem.  I am excited to continue to make the time & have that be our "MOM/DAUGHTER TIME".  Watch a show that we each can relate too, laugh together and see how it goes.  This will be our first actual chic flick.  As the others we watch together is The Voice, Blacklist and The Chrisleys to name a few.   All I continue to hope is to get closer to both of my girls, have them know how proud I am of them, see them happy, helping them with whatever I can, see them having fun in life but at the same time having to be the Mother.  So I hope that our Mother/Daughter time can help.  I TRULY HOPE THERAPY WILL HELP and that all will be fine.  I know that she posts on social media things that are not true like me telling her that she is worthless but I know she is asking for attention and just hoping she does not get the wrong attention.  Now mind you, I have already sat down & spoken to her about all of this & she even admitted that she does not know why she does it when she knows it is not true.  She keeps saying that she just does not feel good about herself and that is WHAT MY JOB, AS HER MOTHER, IS TO FIND A WAY FOR HER TO BE HAPPY & FEEL GOOD ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SHE IS.  I just know she will not be happy that her mother has a blog that writes about all of these things too...Lol but I truly believe that I am not alone and maybe if others talk too, we might be able to help each other but most of all, our children. 

I wish anyone else who is going thru such situation, the best of luck.  I don't think one needs to be ashamed as a mother.  We, as mothers, know the internal pains that we feel and sometimes knowing we are not alone is a good thing. Maybe by sticking together, talking, we can help each other!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Struggling with My Health as a Single Mom

It is hard enough these days in the USA to try to pay for health insurance. Premiums seem to continue to go up.  Some love Obamacare & others totally disagree.  I personally am not a fan for the fact that I am a single mom, was laid off 3 years ago and since then have been struggling trying to find an actual job.  I have been told that I am over qualified.  I have had to balance things out.  Think of how time is flying by & my children are growing up & soon will be out of the house either in college and possibly married with there own family. We tend to not appreciate each moment we have with our children, at times & one day wake up thinking "Wow, time has flown.  I miss my children being small".  We try our best and think how important it is to try & struggle to provide a roof over there heads, food, a vehicle to drive them to & from places & enough money to pay for the necessary bills.  So we tend to put ourselves off. I know I have.

Having health insurance has been important to me but more important are my girls.  I am lucky that my ex husband has a job that he can provide health insurance for my girls.  And my girls are what truly matters to me.  I keep thinking I will be fine because either way, I am not a fan of going to the doctor.  

Well now I find myself in a tough spot.  I have been with my period for over 74 days.  Not enough money to be able to make an appointment with a doctor.  There are days the flow is heavy and others not so bad.  I go online and I google, only to find so many different scenarios, so many different answers as to what might be wrong with me.  Needless to say, it does not help me to google because if not, I will go insane.  I found a doctor that someone recommended to me and left a message and now waiting to find out how much my first visit would be knowing that there will be tests asked to be done, knowing that I don't have the money for it so what does a mother do?  Just hope for the best.  Think it may be menopause.  Hope it just goes away and leaves me alone.  

So for those moms that have no insurance, I totally understand how you feel. There are days that it does not matter and other days that you wish that you had insurance.  But all that one can do is continue to fight in life and hope for the best.  I opened my own company and things seem to get better.  There is a lot of stress that comes with owning your own business but I also enjoy being able to spend time with my kids and setting my own hours.  All I can keep saying is  DON'T give up! HOPE & FIGHT for the BEST!  

It is hard enough these days in the USA to try to pay for health insurance. Premiums seem to continue to go up.  Some love Obamacare & others totally disagree.  I personally am not a fan for the fact that I am a single mom, was laid off 3 years ago and since then have been struggling trying to find an actual job.  I have been told that I am over qualified.  I have had to balance things out.  Think of how time is flying by & my children are growing up & soon will be out of the house either in college and possibly married with there own family. We tend to not appreciate each moment we have with our children, at times & one day wake up thinking "Wow, time has flown.  I miss my children being small".  We try our best and think how important it is to try & struggle to provide a roof over there heads, food, a vehicle to drive them to & from places & enough money to pay for the necessary bills.  So we tend to put ourselves off. I know I have.

Having health insurance has been important to me but more important are my girls.  I am lucky that my ex husband has a job that he can provide health insurance for my girls.  And my girls are what truly matters to me.  I keep thinking I will be fine because either way, I am not a fan of going to the doctor.  

Well now I find myself in a tough spot.  I have been with my period for over 74 days.  Not enough money to be able to make an appointment with a doctor.  There are days the flow is heavy and others not so bad.  I go online and I google, only to find so many different scenarios, so many different answers as to what might be wrong with me.  Needless to say, it does not help me to google because if not, I will go insane.  I found a doctor that someone recommended to me and left a message and now waiting to find out how much my first visit would be knowing that there will be tests asked to be done, knowing that I don't have the money for it so what does a mother do?  Just hope for the best.  Think it may be menopause.  Hope it just goes away and leaves me alone.  

So for those moms that have no insurance, I totally understand how you feel. There are days that it does not matter and other days that you wish that you had insurance.  But all that one can do is continue to fight in life and hope for the best.  I opened my own company and things seem to get better.  There is a lot of stress that comes with owning your own business but I also enjoy being able to spend time with my kids and setting my own hours.  All I can keep saying is  DON'T give up! HOPE & FIGHT for the BEST!  

Friday, October 28, 2016

Happy Children make a Happy Home..

I have spoken before how important it is for YOU to be happy with yourself as a single parent and it is important BUT it also is very important for your children to be happy with the situation at hand.

There are some moms that like to ACT or believe that they are such great moms.  They tend to be sure to travel with the kids, go to church every Sunday and make the appearance, yet as soon as they walk out of church they are the ones who are lying, trying to keep the children away from the father and bad mouthing him to whom ever they can.  They complain how they have no money yet are always going out.  They complain how the man never gives enough money yet do not believe that the father truly lost his job and is trying his best to find some work.  Now I know there are some dads, as well as moms, that are not the best out there so I am fully aware as each situation can be different.  Now I also have seen moms crying misery to the world so everyone hates the ex and is happy that the father does not see the children because she continues to make life difficult.  That is because she is miserable within herself probably.   This is the same type of mom who tells her children that there is not enough money to continue to participate in sports because there is not enough money for the gas or for the sport but then turns around and is traveling somewhere and always out.  These are the things that I do not get.  If one does not have the money to take the children to an activity that they enjoy and does not have the money for the gas, as they claim, then how can you have the money to travel and be going out.  What kind of example are you setting for the children on finances too.  If you claim there is no money then explain it to them as to why you are having to make certain financial cuts but also DEMONSTRATE with your actions the same thing.  And STOP bad mouthing the other parent.  I have NEVER blamed my ex for me not being able to travel with my children, I have NEVER blamed my ex because of the hard times that I have gone thru.  He too has a right to have a life and live his life just as you have yours.  It's time to just MOVE ON and be fair...

As a mother, you make sacrifices.  You protect your children and there hearts so they get less affected by the divorce situation.  It is bad enough that they do not live with both of the parents but sometimes can also be a blessing as the children no longer have to listen to the constant arguing and deal with the lack of love in the home.   I believe, and this is just my opinion and what I have done, that a good mother does not want there children to suffer any more.  She will not bad mouth the father to her children.  She will not mislead them and try to keep the children away from the father, if he is a good father.  I know there are some cases that one of the parents can have a drug or alcohol issue, an abuse issue and other issues but I am talking about two parents that are just good people.
I guess the reason why I am talking about this is because I have good friends who are great fathers and the women make there lives hell and I have seen how the daughters or sons suffer.  I have also seen the opposite.  All I think is that one must truly try there best to not keep the kids from either of the parents, being that its a healthy environment & situation because all that one is doing is hurting the children in the end.  I personally believe being a good parent means thinking of your childs happiness.  Now don't get me wrong, I too have made mistakes.  I, at times, reacted out of anger but have learned A LOT and I am writing this because I am hoping that I can open the eyes to someone out there that might be going thru something that will consider making a change for the better of everyone involved.

So next time you are angry at your ex, my advice is just keep it to yourself.  Don't bad mouth the ex to the children and STOP blaming everything on the ex because YOU are responsible for your actions and it is up to YOU to make a change or create a positive environment.  Let go of your anger because it is damaging YOU as well as your children but mainly YOU. Plus on the divorce papers it also mentions how one is not to bad mouth the other party.  STOP listening to everyone around you too that is only giving you negative advice.  If the children are taken into consideration, everyone would be sure to advise the party that the children need to spend some quality time with the other parent PLUS it can give you a break too.  Take that time to relax or spend some time with friends or your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Hope this helps someone out.  And also remember, all this negativity and anger that one can have inside, children know, and that can also make them angry towards you and not only affect the home environment but there grades and temper too.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Don't Lose YOU after you divorce!

It is bad enough that "WE", as mothers, tend to very easily forget about ourselves.  To not take care of ourselves, our health, our looks and about our happiness.  We always tend to put our children first as it should be, BUT we have to find a balance to not allow "US" to drift away and forget who we are.

Ever since I became a single mom, I have felt that my emotions have been on a major roller coaster ride that has had some really bad turns.  The one attitude that I have had is that for every bad turn, I have learned a lesson and have become stronger and a better mother.  Life is tough as it is and when we go thru a divorce, some of us can feel embarrassed, ashamed, scared, major concern if we will be able to make it, lonely and so many other feelings that go thru our bodies.  I, for instance, at first felt guilty.  I felt horrible inside because I had asked for the divorce because I was unhappy and felt that I was married to someone who was a good man but I was missing something and did not know what it was.  I also knew in my heart that because "I" was unhappy that I would not be the mother that I wanted to be which is the mother I am today...Well, almost.  I still want to take a vacation with my girls some day...Lol.
  Several years ago, I basically lost my job in an industry that I was in for 18 years and gave my all to.  From that point on, I was depressed, stressed, gained a bunch of weight and recently even had back surgery.  Well needless to say, I have gained lots of unwanted weight.  From the stress, I have had hair loss and do not sleep much either.  It amazes me, as I once owned my own boutique that carried designer brand names, my own line of jewelry that I designed and did amazing.  I had designed a line of aprons where I produced 3 different runs because they kept selling out.  T-shirts and so much more.  I felt good.  I would dress up, watch my weight, had manicures and pedicures, would go to the gym and even tan.  I was so motivated.  I made a change in the Downtown where my boutique was located and had fun and LOVED my customers.  Some of them no longer were customers but became friends.
Years later, I find myself overweight, hair loss, etc... My creative drive had been lost and had no clue what to do.  Well, if I once had my own business and was successful at it then what would stop me now from starting a business again.  Not long ago, I began my own company called  I have been happy as I have been blessed to decorate homes, design and build TV sets, design and build props and build furniture for clients.  Yet I still am not completely happy with myself physically.  Why?  Because I have allowed to let go of MYSELF in order to maintain my home and always think of my children first.

Well, now it is time for PLAN B in my life.  I have done well as a mother and will continue to put my children first but I also need to try to set an example for my girls.  I want my girls to be strong and independent women who know they are AMAZING WOMEN with self confidence.  

*  So one must MAKE A PLAN and try to make small changes on a DAY TO DAY basis.  

*  Think of what has YOU feeling down.  What changes YOU would like to make.  What makes YOU happy and begin to do them little by little.

*  SCHEDULE SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF.  Write it on your calendar as if you had a doctors appointment for your children.  

*  If you cannot afford it, then PAMPER YOURSELF by doing things as simple as being sure to put lotion on that has a wonderful smell, at night before going to bed, that will bring you some peace.  

*  Be sure to make an appointment, even if it is once a month, for a manicure, pedicure, massage or even all 3.

*  Sit outside on a nice day & READ a book if that is what you like to do or have a glass of wine or whatever makes YOU feel good.

At the end of the day, just try to find what makes YOU happy & devote some time to yourself because if we continue to let ourselves be lost then what kind of example are we showing our children for one day they too will be adults with the possibility of having there own family.  And WE as the GREAT MOTHERS THAT WE ARE, DO NOT WANT THEM TO FORGET ABOUT THEMSELVES TOO.


Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Getting along with your ex's new wife...

When having children with your ex, many do not realize how important it is to get along.  I will not say that my 12 years of being divorced and being a single mom have been easy and that we have always gotten along, but we have finally reached a great part in our lives now where all is good for everyone involved. 

At the beginning of our divorce, I had allowed my ex to stay living with my girls and I for about 4 months.  It was a bit weird but I thought I was doing the right thing.  Funny, I know.  Then I made a choice that we had to move on and told him it could not continue.  Then the bad began....We had ups and downs with many different stories.  It always depends who you ask, what the story will be. There are also times when one side of the family might not like you at all.  BUT when children are involved, it is important to try.  It will take some sacrificing from one side or best if from both but it is well worth it at the end.  

So once you get thru the divorce and now comes someone new....It can be totally weird.  Sooo many emotions can come to life.  BUT once again, I remind you that the CHILDREN ARE WHAT IS IMPORTANT.  I have actually been blessed.  Some people think I am weird but I think differently, well at certain times...Lol.  See with my situation, I knew my ex husbands wife before he did and I always had liked her.  When I had my boutique, she worked at the store next to me.  Go figure...the world is so small.  My ex decided to tattoo his entire body basically after our divorce and met her.  They ended up dating and married and now have a precious little 3 year old girl.  It is an awesome feeling knowing and seeing how happy my girls are when they see there mom and dad getting along and there mom and step mother getting along...Oh and they LOVE how there little sister loves me too.  We actually have gone out to dinner several times together.  It is kinda funny cuz her and I even sometimes talk about how stubborn he can be.  My ex husband actually has been an angel sent to me, at certain times, now in my life.
At the end of the day, all that matters and what should matter is that your exs' partner/wife, etc... is good to your children.   That your children are treated right and with care and love.  Creating a positive and happy environment in such an odd situation can be difficult but IT CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED.  One might have to be a bit stronger and smarter than the other but someone has to break the ice and be the smart one.  I am sure some of you are at the beginning stages of your divorce.  You will go thru certain phases.  Some will be sad, then anger then guilt.  Some may never get out of the anger stage and truthfully that is just horrible.  I can tell you this much, if you are in the anger stage, do what you must to let it go and move forward and try to make mends with your ex. You might think it is fine with your children but they are far from stupid.  They can sense things.  We think they are clueless but we are wrong.  I see my girls how happy they are now and it is awesome.  As a mom who has been thru a lot, it is all worth it.   

Some women live angry.  Some will allow the anger to run there life.  Some will not realize that living with such anger inside only is hurting them.  When a divorce happens, there are always 2 sides to every story and each one has some type of blame.  It is just about who is big enough and who truly can be true to themselves and realize where they went wrong and to try to better themselves with the next relationship.  Then again there are some that will never learn.  I, for one, have and will always continue to want to learn and better myself as an individual, woman and more than anything a mother. I want to be happy in my life and not allow anger to take over my life.  Many can feel that Divorce can suck, but what sucks more is being in an unhappy marriage and losing yourself as an individual because you are staying with your spouse for the wrong reasons.  If you are not in love with the person and the environment only continues to get worse, sometimes it is better for everyone to part your ways and try to have a positive future for the sake of your children and for yourself.  The hardest part is realizing and having to deal with the truth. 

So if you have children and hate your ex.  Try to overcome it and make it better for everyone.  I am totally aware that not everyone will accomplish this but think to yourself and be true to yourself and ask yourself if YOU are the one that can make the change for the better of everyone and put your pride aside.  But like I said, I know NOT EVERYONE WILL UNFORTUNATELY BE ABLE.  

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Getting along with your X...

Going thru a divorce is something that I would not wish upon anyone ESPECIALLY when there are kids involved.  Each party goes thru so many different emotions and stages.  At first some go thru the crying, shock stage then you can go into the anger stage and after that it truly depends on how much more one wants to either suffer or be happy in life.

I have been divorced for 12 years now.  It has been a roller coaster ride for many years.  THE ONE THING THAT I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED MY BEST IS PUTTING MY GIRLS HEARTS FIRST then after my happiness.

When I went thru my divorce, it was horrible.  I was the one who made the decision to break up the family.  I had been with my husband for several years.  It was a love at first sight type of relationship.  We had met and went nuts over each other and 2 months after dating got engaged and 10 months after married.  3 years later we had our first born then 10 1/2 months after she was born we had our second daughter.  They were both a blessing.  Problem was that I should have taken the time to know him better.  After being together for quite some time, I realized I was not happy and not truly in love with him.  I mentioned about going to marriage counseling but he thought that was a waste of money because he tried it in his first marriage and it did not help.  So needless to say, he did not care to with our marriage.  Long story short, I made a choice to ask for a divorce because I am not the type of woman to be with someone for the sake of the kids, to be with a man because he makes good money and can give me a nice life, nice house, nice car and gifts and do not believe it is healthy for the kids to see parents fight a lot or just miserable.  I am a firm believer that if YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE WITH, THEN YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF OR AS A MOTHER TO YOUR CHILDREN.  I am speaking from my experience and what I have seen.

In the 12 years, I tried for things to be good between my X and I.  I had him live with me for 3 to 4 months after we signed the divorce papers.  I can tell you that was a bit uncomfortable and once I asked him to leave, he became angry at me, of course.  Time passed and stories passed.  I knew he was making good money and would get angry but I decided to take him back to court to ask for more help.  When we went thru our divorce, I chose to not get alimony, as I would have been able to, and I chose to not take half of his savings and so on.  All I wanted was help with my girls and a good relationship with him as long as he was a good father.  Well that did not go well and I decided after lots of back and forths and wasted money on the lawyer to leave things as they were.  it was an action that I took from a reaction that he made and chose not to discuss it with me but it would involve my children's feelings lots.  I learned after that not to react out of anger and try to talk to him.

During all of these years and many ups and downs with my ex, I have always kept things away from my girls and chose to suffer alone, I would or have never spoken bad or name called there father to them either or have tried to keep them away from him and that is one of the best choices that I have made.

As I can keep on writing about all of this, my point is that IT IS UP TO US TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR EX FOR THE SAKE OF OUR CHILDREN AND THERE MENTAL STATE, THE SAFETY OF THERE HEARTS AND TO TEACH THEM IN LIFE ONE HAS TO PICK THERE BATTLES.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is easy but it can be done and IT TAKES BOTH PARTIES MAINLY but if one party is smarter than the other it can be accomplished.  

As parents, we should put the happiness of our children first and with that thought process we must try our best to do what is best for them.  Meaning, if things are horrible at home, think of what good or bad that can be for them.  If one makes the choice to get a divorce, try your best to not make it hell for them because as it is hell either will exist thru a divorce or in a home that is full of anger and arguments.   If we are happy and we make the environment happy then the outcome of the surroundings is happiness and that is all that we would want for our children.  If one parent stays a jerk, then be sure that you are the parent that is not and will always put there feelings and happiness first.  We suck it up when the other dates or remarries, we suck it up if the other goes thru some midlife crisis and we just suck it up as much as we can BUT ALWAYS PUT OUR KIDS FIRST.  Then we try LOTS OF MEDITATION, HAPPY & POSITIVE QUOTES, POSITIVE SURROUNDINGS AND MOVE FORWARD.  
I hope I have not lost you in reading so much on this article, but it is such an important subject to me that I can go on and on about it as not only have I lived thru lots but continue to see so much and I just wish it could be different.  If I can make a difference for the best in someones life and a life of a child, then I will continue to write about it.  What matters is to be happy in life because we only have one to live.  And at the end of the day, a child only has one mother who brought them into this world and needs to try to be the best she can be for them and protect them always.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Decorating a Babies Nursery...

You just found out you are going to be a mommy.  Well Congratulations!!!  
You have many things running thru your mind.  Whether it is going to be a boy or girl, you want it to be healthy, what color eyes, what do I need and "OMG HOW DO I DECORATE THE NURSERY???"  

Well here are just a few suggestions that hopefully can help you out. 
When decorating your babies nursery, people always tend to think that the only option is to go to your local paint store and just paint the walls a solid color.  Well know that there are other options too.

Just because you paint the walls, does not mean that all the walls need to be the same color.  You can have a base color but either do it yourself or hire an artist to paint a mural.  This picture is of when my girls were born.  While pregnant, I painted this tree for the nursery, as painting is not only relaxing for me but I felt as if she knew I was doing something special for her and then after I truly knew it was well worth it when I had my other little girl who also LOVED there room.  I wanted a Winnie The Pooh theme at the time, so I decided to paint  a tree in the corner.  But I wanted to add some 3 dimensional elements and painted some pieces of wood with Winnie The Poohs friends name on them along with hot gluing some fabric butterflies to the tree and on the walls.  I added some other touches and even incorporate a quote that I loved when I saw it once at Walt Disney World.  I remember even painting the top of the bedroom ceiling with a sky and stars.  It was just something that I truly enjoyed painting especially knowing it was for my little girls.

Now if you worry about having a mural painted or cannot afford it another option is to use wall paper.  One can always try to pick a wall paper that will last for several years, hopefully into there teenage years because once they hit the teens, we all know how there mind will change along with the hormones...Lol    Below is a picture of a bedroom utilizing wall paper.  This wall paper can definitely last for many years as it is neutral and you can combine it with many colors from bright to calming tones.

And if wall paper does not work for you either, you can always shop online and purchase some wall decals.  The good thing about the wall decals is that they are easily removable once your child would like to make a change to the room.  Plus they tend to be inexpensive, depending on the size and the design.  And if you truly want to get creative, you can locate a print shop and design your own and apply them to the wall.  You just need to check and be sure the print shop can do such type of work.  If not, you can always rely on Google and shop around.  For example, always has great artists.  Just remember to always try to check there credentials.  Below is a picture of a bedroom that used decals purchased on

And last, if the mural, wall paper or decals is not something that you would like to use.  You can always just purchase some prints and turn a wall into a gallery wall making it the main focus of the bedroom.  And just because you create a gallery wall does not mean that your background wall has to be a solid color, it can be from solid to stripes to even poca dots.  Whatever you feel would make a happy and positive environment for your baby.

I hope one of these suggestions will make it easier for any mommy out there!!!
Enjoy Decorating!!!