Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Getting along with your ex's new wife...
















When having children with your ex, many do not realize how important it is to get along.  I will not say that my 12 years of being divorced and being a single mom have been easy and that we have always gotten along, but we have finally reached a great part in our lives now where all is good for everyone involved. 

At the beginning of our divorce, I had allowed my ex to stay living with my girls and I for about 4 months.  It was a bit weird but I thought I was doing the right thing.  Funny, I know.  Then I made a choice that we had to move on and told him it could not continue.  Then the bad began....We had ups and downs with many different stories.  It always depends who you ask, what the story will be. There are also times when one side of the family might not like you at all.  BUT when children are involved, it is important to try.  It will take some sacrificing from one side or best if from both but it is well worth it at the end.  

So once you get thru the divorce and now comes someone new....It can be totally weird.  Sooo many emotions can come to life.  BUT once again, I remind you that the CHILDREN ARE WHAT IS IMPORTANT.  I have actually been blessed.  Some people think I am weird but I think differently, well at certain times...Lol.  See with my situation, I knew my ex husbands wife before he did and I always had liked her.  When I had my boutique, she worked at the store next to me.  Go figure...the world is so small.  My ex decided to tattoo his entire body basically after our divorce and met her.  They ended up dating and married and now have a precious little 3 year old girl.  It is an awesome feeling knowing and seeing how happy my girls are when they see there mom and dad getting along and there mom and step mother getting along...Oh and they LOVE how there little sister loves me too.  We actually have gone out to dinner several times together.  It is kinda funny cuz her and I even sometimes talk about how stubborn he can be.  My ex husband actually has been an angel sent to me, at certain times, now in my life.
  
At the end of the day, all that matters and what should matter is that your exs' partner/wife, etc... is good to your children.   That your children are treated right and with care and love.  Creating a positive and happy environment in such an odd situation can be difficult but IT CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED.  One might have to be a bit stronger and smarter than the other but someone has to break the ice and be the smart one.  I am sure some of you are at the beginning stages of your divorce.  You will go thru certain phases.  Some will be sad, then anger then guilt.  Some may never get out of the anger stage and truthfully that is just horrible.  I can tell you this much, if you are in the anger stage, do what you must to let it go and move forward and try to make mends with your ex. You might think it is fine with your children but they are far from stupid.  They can sense things.  We think they are clueless but we are wrong.  I see my girls how happy they are now and it is awesome.  As a mom who has been thru a lot, it is all worth it.   

Some women live angry.  Some will allow the anger to run there life.  Some will not realize that living with such anger inside only is hurting them.  When a divorce happens, there are always 2 sides to every story and each one has some type of blame.  It is just about who is big enough and who truly can be true to themselves and realize where they went wrong and to try to better themselves with the next relationship.  Then again there are some that will never learn.  I, for one, have and will always continue to want to learn and better myself as an individual, woman and more than anything a mother. I want to be happy in my life and not allow anger to take over my life.  Many can feel that Divorce can suck, but what sucks more is being in an unhappy marriage and losing yourself as an individual because you are staying with your spouse for the wrong reasons.  If you are not in love with the person and the environment only continues to get worse, sometimes it is better for everyone to part your ways and try to have a positive future for the sake of your children and for yourself.  The hardest part is realizing and having to deal with the truth. 

So if you have children and hate your ex.  Try to overcome it and make it better for everyone.  I am totally aware that not everyone will accomplish this but think to yourself and be true to yourself and ask yourself if YOU are the one that can make the change for the better of everyone and put your pride aside.  But like I said, I know NOT EVERYONE WILL UNFORTUNATELY BE ABLE.  

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