Thursday, December 15, 2016

Holidays separated from your kids...

It's another one of those times during the year that makes it harder for those who are either separated or already divorced when having children.  A time of the year where the children are in the middle, wishing they can probably be with both of there parents. A time that is suppose to be just "Happy". 

I sit here thinking to myself, "What if I would have just stayed married, would my girls have been happier?"...."How tough is it for them right now that maybe they would not want to let me know so my feelings would not get hurt?"..."Do they really want to go?"...."If I don't give in, then he will have a sad christmas too"...  These are the many internal questions that many of us probably have as we are going thru this time of the year having children.

It truly can be super stressful, emotional & confusing.  It is a no win situation for either party.  I know that by the divorce papers and depending on your agreement, are how the holidays will be planned and organized.  But that truly does not make it better.  The point is that for some it is a very big time of the year and for others it is not.  For those who just have always loved Christmas and it is there favorite holiday, like ME, it is a big deal.  I must say though that I have been lucky.  My ex has never really asked for Christmas because he always just takes the overtime and works it.  When we were both living closer in Central Florida and the girls were little, I even would have him come really early in the morning, before the girls woke up, or even sleep the night before.  YES!  I said that.  I am one of those who signed the divorce papers and still had her ex husband living with her for several months for so many confused reasons.  And that is another story...  Time has passed, I had moved to South Florida and 2 years ago moved out of Florida.  I love it because my girls and I have finally felt and seen what it finally feels like living in a state where you have 4 seasons.  We have NO REGRETS!  But this year, I was so worried, sad and stressed because he had mentioned about having them for Christmas but I am lucky enough and once again, I get to spend it with my girls and it seems that my ex will probably be working.  But after Christmas, I will drive 3 hours one way to meet my ex half way so the girls can spend some time with him, his wife and there half sister during the winter break.  So it all works out for everyone, I guess.  The good thing is that he has his little baby girl, who is just too cute and funny, to entertain him but I know that he would want to spend it with his girls too. 

The ideal situation would be for him to drive up, have a different scenery and it would be what the girls would love as they have said several times but are worried about telling him, and stay with us with his wife and baby girl in our spare room and all spend Christmas morning together.  BUT I KNOW HE WILL NOT DO THAT ONE!  Lol...  I know that sounds a bit odd too but the blessing we have is that his wife and I knew each other before they even got together, (after I was divorced), and we truly get along and have no gripes about each other.  I have to tell you that if anyone of you can do this, I highly suggest it because it is much better for the children and for everyone involved.  All it requires is to be an adult, accept what it is, be civil, be true to yourself and want for your ex to truly be happy in life.  I care about my ex enough, as the father to my girls, that I honestly just want him to be happy in life and if she does so, then that is good.  Plus she truly is good to my girls too and that is even more important to me or I believe should be to any mother who truly loves her children.

This is just one of those times of the year, that if you are divorced, can just be sad for either the mom or dad and for the children.  The children are in the middle and I am sure that they would love to just be with both parents, have no arguing, feel they are safe in a positive environment and not have to be separated from either one of the parents.  But unfortunately these are one of those times that just suck to be divorced BUT THEN AGAIN I would rather be in this situation than to be married to someone that I am miserable with, arguing and most probably will end up in a nasty fight with my spouse on a day that should be celebrated and go to sleep hating the one that I am married too.  So Yeah, if anyone can relate to any one of these situations, I know it truly sucks and I am sorry.

The ones that I truly feel sorry for, besides the children, are those that live with such anger towards the ex.  The ones who manipulate the children and situations, who go against what the divorce papers say, try to be slick, are just plain evil and truly don't care.  AND I KNOW OF A CASE VERY WELL!!!  These people think they are good parents, they think they are doing right and they think they are getting back at the other BUT those are the people that are just plain EVIL.  They may seem to the world that they are great moms because they know how to act the part but that is far from the truth.  Being a good parent means making sacrifices, loving unconditionally, putting what is best and the healthiest for your children and loving them so so so much that you, as a parent, will never try to separate them from there other parent as a divorced parent.  Now, of course and unfortunately, I know there are some cases where it is best for the children to stay away from the abusive parent too so on that one I would never disagree.  I am talking about healthy and loving parents.  By a parent (mainly the mother) trying to do all she can in her power, to keep the children away from the father is just being selfish and evil.  Some women just do not get it and are not grateful that if there ex is a good father, loves his children and cares enough to want to see them, then she should never try to keep them away from him, buy there love and manipulate the children.  It is very sad and some will never get that all that they are doing is hurting there children, making the situation worse, living with internal anger which will end up hurting only themselves as women and raising there children to be materialistic, selfish and believe that other things matter more than time spent with there father.  But as I always think to myself, Karma does exist and time is all that one has.  Hopefully those children that are living in such a state in there lives will someday realize the truth, what the mother was trying to do and realize the father they have.  I say mother because in most cases, the mothers are the ones who have custody of the children plus I know of a situation like that and it is just sad.

So if you are one of those parents, divorced, separated with children and celebrate the holidays....THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN FIRST... as hard as it may be, respect and follow the divorce papers, DO NOT make it worse for yourself, the children and your situation, TRY TO WORK ON A PLAN TOGETHER WITH YOUR EX THAT CAN BENEFIT EVERYONE AND MAKE THE CHILDREN HOLIDAYS' A GREAT ONE because the truth is that the holidays are more for them to enjoy because we already had our childhood and now it is there time, be civil, be considerate, make sacrifices and try to enjoy this time of the year.  Heck!!!  I am still trying to figure how I can motivate my girls to help me decorate and pass on the spirit so they hopefully, one day, can enjoy it as much as I have in my lifetime.

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