As I am sure that EVERY MOM FEELS THIS WAY & you have probably read a ton of articles regarding this subject, I still wanted to share or vent how I feel too. Who knows? Maybe someone can relate or happen to run into this article and it can make them feel better.
So I recently, like really recently, decided, am trying, which ever way I can try to stick to it, I am trying to take out "ME TIME". This is Day 3 from like 3 weeks of me trying to go out for a walk, get the heart rate going a bit, breathing in & out and being alone. And Yes! I just too realized that is only 1 day a week of going out to walk and I really need to try to do it more often. Lol...
As I was walking this morning, I saw a mom pushing her baby in a stroller, while having her other child, who was probably 8 or 9 yrs old, walking by her side. She was not looking too happy, in her work out clothes, not smiling, looking at her phone and had no clue what so ever that I even smiled and wished her a "Good morning". It got me thinking. #1 she had that look as "Don't even wish me a Good Morning. Do you not see my face?"... Lol I felt bad. I was hoping that a sincere smile and the voice of another woman would at least get her to sigh. But no luck. It made me think all we do as moms and just as women.
We truly do not realize how important we are as women in this world. Forget the obvious fact that "YES, we are needed to create too" but the fact that we tackle so much yet we continue to try to smile, give so much love to our children, and/or husbands (I know some of you are thinking "Sure, when I have the time"). We need to give ourselves more credit. We cannot allow to let anyone or allow us to feel that we are any less. We not only have the power to create and bring another life into this world but after that we then tackle it all.
I know I have felt many times, as a single mom, being alone with my 2 girls for many years that I do not have the fight, yet I somehow continue to do it. I have felt that I want to just quit but somehow I keep trying. I have cried because I have not had enough to pay rent, the electric, the grocery bill or have had any money to take them to a movie in an entire year but somehow the bills have been paid (some late but done), I have always given them a roof over their heads, if not a movie theatre, I have created their own movie of me being a fool for them to keep in their memory bank which brings them a lifetime of laughter and still, I feel I have not done a good job. "WOWZA!!! Really?" How can I do this to myself? Well, WE CANNOT!
WE ARE THE TRUE SUPER HEROES!!! We need to pat ourselves on the back, have a glass of wine, laugh and BE PROUD! So what if we don't have the perfect bodies like a Victoria Secret model. We have some wrinkles, possibly. Heck, if you are my age, 49, then you probably have body aches too, at times, shortness of breath and loss of memory...Lol My point is that we need to take the time to realize WE TRULY ARE AMAZING! And I KNOW AS A SINGLE MOM...."I AM PROUD!". Yes, I have made mistakes. We all have and will continue to do so. We have not found the "perfect book" with all the rules, the hows & whys, the what to dos on being the perfect mother. All I know is I have tried very hard, given it my all, have lost it, at times, but have learned from it and kept calm at others, I have had sleepless nights, I dread dealing with all the boy situations, pray they do not get drunk or do drugs and if they do, let me be aware so I can help them and hope they learn never to do it again. I have and continue to try to teach them to be strong. To believe in themselves yet I still need work on that area because as much as I have always told them how awesome they are, how proud I am of them, they still have self esteem issues. And I came to realize because they told me to my face when I asked one day "Why if I never put you down & I tell you that you can do anything & to believe & keep on trying" and Guess What?....RIGHT TO MY FACE, THEY TOLD ME THE TRUTH..."Mom, we see it in you. You are amazing yet you do not see it and do not give yourself any credit".... And the feeling of a BOMB kicked in.
I get it. We get tired. "We want a Vacay" We might even lock ourselves up in the bathroom or closet, at times, to just cry. Heck, I did that when mine were babies because they are 10 1/2 months apart and now teenagers. I have had my power cut off and we have slept in my car. Heck we even slept, a few times, when I owned my own boutique and many never even knew. What saved me was I had a sofa at the store too as part of the decor. Amazing is what I think now of all that. But yet it is true. My life as a single mom has not been easy but then I think the life of a mom with their child that might have some horrible disease, like cancer, or missing a body part, not hearing, seeing, having a disability and I think of how tough life has been and still is for them. So it's just about being a Mom! It can be tough but the reward can be Amazing if we let it be. We just need to keep trying to juggle, figure out the best way that will work for each of us to cook, clean, work, teach, love, cry, coach and so many other jobs that we carry on our shoulders and just TRY TO DO IT THE BEST WAY WE KNOW HOW & STAND TALL, WITH OUR ARMS AT OUR SIDES, AND TELL OURSELVES "I AM A SUPER HERO!"
I hope this can make you smile. Have you feel better and know that you are not alone and Remember "STAND TALL CUZ YOU ARE A MOM & A DAMN GOOD ONE AT THAT TOO!"